Unfinished Faith: Relearning God.

Week 25:

The bit where I introduce:

This reflection is offered with humility, recognising that marriage is often complex and deeply personal. It is not intended to minimise those challenges, but to encourage honest engagement with what’s in the bible and God’s transforming grace.

If you surveyed 500 people about the topic of marriage, and the narratives of what a loving relationship is, most might say that relationships should continue only while it remains fulfilling, satisfying, and aligned with our personal goals. When happiness fades, conflict emerges, or expectations go unmet, many couples question whether commitment should remain.

 (note this does not include when there is abuse of any kind, violence or intent to harm)

Yet as Jesus followers does marriage present a radically different ideal?

Rather than asking, “Am I still getting what I need from this relationship?” alternatively ask, “How can I authentically love this person as God has loved me?”

This tension between a culture of self-fulfilment and an historical ethic of promised faithfulness challenges all of us. At the heart of the Christian understanding of marriage is the belief that it is sacred (aka set apart) not because two imperfect people never struggle, but because marriage reflects the love of a faithful God.

This week I delve into looking beyond the romance and personal happiness to discover did God want a deeper purpose for us?  Is it one of commitment, sacrifice, grace, and enduring love.

The bit where I refer to the Bible and ask a few questions:

Ephesians 5:31-32 (read whole of Ephesians 5)

“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church.

My focus mainly is on the second part of the paragraph, as the first is self-explanatory.

I saw a couple on Friday getting wedding pictures taken in the city. I was curious in thinking to myself “I wonder why they chose to get married?”

We live in a culture that often views marriage primarily through the lens of personal fulfilment, Paul reminds believers in Ephesians 5 that marriage is also about witness. It points beyond the couple to the character of God and the gospel of Jesus.

I think in reading some literature, Paul wants us to see beyond marriage as a social institution.

If you are married, have a think about what made you get married in the first place? I’ve been married twice and people have asked why I was doing it a second time? My simple answer if I recall was because I want to make a commitment to this person, that hopefully will last.

When Paul calls this a “profound mystery,” he means that marriage has a deeper significance than people might initially realise. It is not only about two individuals building a life together; it also reveals something about self-giving love and enduring commitment.

 Even for someone who doesn’t have a faith, the passage raises an interesting question: Is marriage simply about personal happiness, or does it also involve a commitment to something larger than us? Paul argues for the latter. He sees marriage as a relationship that shapes character, teaches sacrificial love, and reflects values that transcend individual wants and needs.

For Christians, I would estimate that most might say marriage serves as a picture of the kind of relationship God desires with us: one marked by commitment, faithfulness, love, sacrifice, and unity. I think anyone, faith based or not, would try and produce these attributes in a committed relationship

 Just as a healthy marriage involves choosing one another through good times and difficult times, if you have a faith, you might believe God’s love for people is steadfast and comes with bigger picture promises rather than conditional.

But what if marriage isn’t that for you or someone you know?

Ephesians 5:31–32 reminds us that marriage was intended by God to be a profound picture of unity, love, and the relationship between Jesus and His Church. Yet in the real world many people of have faith find themselves in marriages that fall short of that vision. Relationships can be marked by hurt, distance, disappointment, or patterns that do not reflect God’s design.

The good news is that our faith is not dependent on having a perfect marriage. God meets us in the reality of our circumstances, not just the ideal. While this passage points us toward a beautiful and sacred vision of marriage, it also points beyond marriage itself to Jesus. Whether our marriages are thriving, struggling, or somewhere in between, we are invited to keep our eyes fixed on Him, allowing His grace, forgiveness, humility, and sacrificial love to shape us.

 The call is not to pretend everything is perfect, but to continually surrender ourselves to God’s transforming work, trusting that He is present even in the places where our relationships do not yet reflect His original intention.

The bit where you get to think about stuff: Questions for the week.

Am I spending more energy wishing my spouse would change, or allowing God to transform my own attitudes, expectations, and capacity to love?

What assumptions about marriage have I inherited from culture, family, or past experiences that may not align with God’s vision?

How might God be inviting me to rethink what faithfulness, sacrifice, and love look like in my current season?