Unfinished Faith: Relearning God.

Week 18:

The bit where I introduce: 

Somewhere in the journey of life as we grow up, we learn early how to hold things together, plans, people, outcomes. Control can look like competence on the outside, so maybe the world thinks we have it altogether, but underneath it’s often driven by fear: If I don’t manage this, who will?
Faith doesn’t dismiss responsibility, but it gently challenges the weight we carry. There comes a point where strength is no longer found in tightening our grip but in knowing when to loosen it. That’s the real-life hack.  I need help with this, do you?  let’s look at what we can do…

The bit where I refer to the bible: and ask a few rhetorical questions:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
Book of Proverbs 3:5–6

This classic well known passage when I was looking into it, I don’t think criticises planning or wisdom, it confronts where we place that weight. “Lean not on your own understanding” encourages us to not rest our full weight on aspects of our own thinking we believe will hold us. What does that look like for you? “something” can be our ability to manage outcomes: to anticipate problems, fix people, prevent pain.

In real life, this shows up in subtle but exhausting ways. As a counsellor I see this in my work.

It’s the parent who keeps stepping in to solve a child/ teenager’s problems writing emails, smoothing conflict, managing consequences because watching them struggle feels unbearable. Control feels like care. But over time, it can quietly take away the very growth the young person needs.

It’s the partner who carries the emotional load of a relationship monitoring moods, overthinking conversations, trying to prevent tension before it happens. The belief underneath is, If I can just get this right, everything will stay okay. But relationships aren’t sustained by one person’s control they’re shaped by mutual responsibility and respect.

It’s in grief, too. Something I’m still learning in this chapter of my life. The attempt to organise pain into something manageable, If I understand it, if I make meaning of it quickly, maybe it won’t overwhelm me. But grief resists control. It asks ultimately to be felt, not fixed.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart” what does that really mean?  I don’t think it means switching off your mind, and having super spiritual faith, it means recognising its limits. Your understanding is valuable, but it is not the ultimate place of wisdom.  Believe it or not, there are outcomes you cannot secure, timelines you cannot force, people you cannot change. That’s where we need to learn to trust God in it.

“In all your ways submit to Him” is where surrender becomes practical. It’s not abstract spirituality, it’s lived decision-making: It is one of the valuable “life hacks” the Bible offers:

doing what is right, even when the outcome is uncertain
setting boundaries instead of over-functioning for others
allowing others to face consequences rather than rescuing them
accepting that some questions won’t be answered quickly, or possibly at all.

Take heart because there is hope, the relief comes as the promise: “He will make your paths straight.” Will, it’s the promise and He delivers on this.

 Not easy, not predictable, but aligned, sometimes I admit we don’t want to hear that. A straight path is one that is not constantly bent out of shape by anxiety, over-control, or fear-driven decisions.
Surrender doesn’t remove responsibility, it clarifies it.
It helps you see what yours is to carry… and what never was. In relationships, your marriage, your job, your finances and yes…your children.
Because control often says, it all depends on me.
But surrender slowly teaches us, I am responsible for my obedience, not the outcome.
And that shift? It’s where peace begins, not because everything changes, but because the way you’re carrying it does. And oh, the sweet peace that comes when we have finally learnt that lesson.

The bit where you get to think about stuff: Questions for the week.

Where am I leaning too heavily on my own understanding right now?

What situation am I trying to control that may need surrender?

Where might control be disguising itself as care or responsibility in my life?