Unfinished Faith: Relearning God.

Week 11:

The bit where I introduce:  Sometimes we assume faith means being certain all the time. But when your heart is hurting, certainty, faith and God can feel far away or non-existent. I want to say it is okay to feel like that. We sometimes chastise ourselves or think we aren’t allowed to be angry at God or say angry things to Him.

I read something that resonated this week: it validated and reminded me…I am allowed!

 You can Love God and still suffer.

You can love God and still question where he’s been lately.

You can love God and still be a long griever, a deep feeler, a slow healer.

You can love God and still be disappointed at the chapter you are walking through.

You can love God and still struggle to find gratitude on the days where everybody else makes it look so easy.

The bit where I refer to the bible: and ask a few rhetorical questions:

Psalms are where it’s at this week. Psalm 34. (read whole Psalm) Verse 18:

“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

David wrote this reflecting on God’s care for people when they are distressed, afraid or overwhelmed, is that you right now? It was a moment in his life after a frightening, humiliating moment, running from Saul who wanted him dead. David did some desperate stuff to survive, pretending to be mentally unstable “aka crazy” (to a guy named Achish who was the king in the area) David went full weirding out-scratching on doors and slobbering like a dog (you can read it in 1 Samuel 21)

People recognised him, his reputation preceded him with the whole Goliath takedown! So, he wanted to change himself so to not let them think he was the same guy so he could be safe. He didn’t want to be known to be that hero.

 I find it compelling that David did what many of us do, mask, change ourselves to make people think we are different, or hide our true selves to be safe. So…once he escaped, he wrote the Psalm as a reflection on God’s deliverance. My take is that this wasn’t written from a place of having a tidy put together faith or some supernatural spiritual shiny strength we show at church, it comes from someone relatable who had just been terrified and desperate. Life was a bit of a mess for old David, let’s face it his faith was survival mode unlocked.

I would like to play devil’s advocate and think about what if God had not felt close to David at that moment? Because let’s be honest, perhaps we have felt that same sentiment. The Psalm might have sounded very different. Instead of him saying “The Lord is close to the broken hearted, it might have been words saying “where are you God when was all of this going down” Is that something you’ve uttered in desperation and fear?

But it’s in that possibility… a single moment where it becomes so striking for David. He acknowledges fear and brokenness, yet David insists that God was somehow present in the middle of the mess. What we shouldn’t do (I have learnt) is measure God’s closeness by how we feel.

 Say this with me now! God’s nearness/closeness isn’t dependent on my ability to sense it!

The most honest authentic faith we can muster is continuing to trust God when there’s radio silence, but I want to say that can be a step too far at times. I’ve cried out to God, and it felt like silence, I’ve cried out to Him in desperate intercession for others and he did not move in that.

I’m not going to end this with a neat bow and Christian sentiment. But I will say this in honest transparency: Our faith sometimes lives in the tension between what we desperately cried out and asked for and what actually happened. Even in the unanswered places, we hope He is nearer than we can feel.

The bit where you get to think about stuff: Questions for the week.

When have you cried out to God for someone and the outcome didn’t change, what did that experience do to your faith?

How can you hold the tension between the promise that God is close to your broken heart and moments when He doesn’t seem to move in the way you’d hoped?

If God’s nearness in Psalm 34 does not always mean the outcome we pleaded for, what might His presence look like in the middle of unanswered prayers? are you willing to wrestle with that possibility?